| Susie |
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| #1 |
Can anybody help me? I am 'newly wed' of nearly 2 years with a beautiful 9 month old daughter. I did not live with my husband until we were married. The last year has become increasingly difficult with understanding my husbands 'odd' behaviour. He has always has 'strange behavioural ways which many people including myself often used to 'laugh at'.When I read about the diagnosis clauses I can relate to many examples of his behaaviour which would suggest that he has signs of Aspergers. What do I do now? My husband did not disagree with any of the information which I found however, I do not think he will now want to seek help. I will need the support as I know my future will not be easy and there will be certain things I know I will have to live without.. i.e. affection, empathy and understanding at difficult times. I have read that 80% of marriages with a partner do not last - I would like to be in the 20% - those that do last. So my question is if anyone has any help or ideas or books where I can learn more I would be most grateful.
He is 42 years old.
Thank you in anticipation
Susie |
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| Ac.com |
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| #2 |
I just left a conference on Asperger's Syndrome (AS). It was very very good. One of the main things I got from the conference was that there are a number of books out now which talk about famous individuals with Aspergers or Apserger-like traits (Bill Gates, Einstein, Mozart), building self-esteem as it relates to Aspergers, Learning Social cues and social aspects of communication, etc. One of the speakers name was Jerry Newport. There is a movie coming out at the end of this year, which is based on some of his life experieinces with Aspergers. Of course, he didn't know he had Apsergers until he was about 40 years old. Many people with AS, may never really know they have it. But those that do and do address and systematically learn those social skills, tend to feel a little more keyed into the "social club."
The conference was put on by a company called "Future Horizons." They have a variety of books and even a magazine on the topic. There is also a website O.A.S.I.S., which is an online support for individuals with Aspergers. |
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| Deb |
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| #3 |
<i>I know my future will not be easy and there will be certain things I know I will have to live without.. i.e. affection, empathy and understanding at difficult times. </i>
I am married to a 43 yr old man who was diagnosed AFTER my son (6 yrs) was diagnosed! My husband has always been a little "odd" - one of the endearing qualities about him! In your above quote, you are right that the future may be difficult - but that is so with any marriage. My marriage has been difficult at times but you kinda adapt and work through it.
I don't think, though, that you necessarily will have to do without the affection, empathy and understanding! It may just be a different way of expression! While Aspies do tend to have difficulty with those aspects, I do have to say that my DH and son are both very affectionate with me. It is with people that they are uncomfortable/unfamiliar with that they have the most difficulty.
I really don't have any advice per say except to let you know that you aren't alone and I can sympathize!!:-)
Good luck! And, just for future reference, moniter any future children's development for signs of Aspergers/ASD's so you can get a jump on early interventions! It makes all the difference in the world! (there is a strong 2 previous generation link with autism in my husband's family!!) |
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| terri |
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| #4 |
having just read your message was like someone switching a light on.Have been living with my partner 4 almost 6 months now having not spent an awful lot of time together beforehand.AM starting to feel as if WE r from different planets.Tosay his behavior is odd would b an understatment,i cant relate 2 him at all,its driving me insane.On the one hand he is the sweetest kindest nicest person u could wish 2 meet and would do anything 4 anyone.he took a long time 2 b able 2 express his feeligs buthas now gone to the other extreme and i feel suffocated.He is a very intelligent man(a solicitor)but seems 2 have no common sense.he is very samey,in that only eats certain things and at certain times,has obsessions,rituals,routines,etc which he finds normal and cant understand y i dont making it look as if im being trivial.its like living"groundhog day"i couldnt list the "odd"things about him ,the list would b endless.Could this b aspergers? if sothen it would all make sense and i could learn more about it. also how could i approach the subject with him cos as far as hes concerned his behavior is normal but i dont know if i can cope as i feel"on the brink". |
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| Jeanne |
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| #5 |
i just came to realization after being married for a year and a half to my my husband that he has aspergers syndrome. He lines up the yogurt obsessively in the refrigerator. Time and time again I would ask him why he did that, he would say the roommate did it. all the labels on the cans in the cupboards are lined up. After confronting our roommate.. our roommate denied it. I watched my husband one evening wash dishes as he carefully showed me how he wanted his dished washed with his silverware lined up stratigically. with the top of the fork facing up. He told me last week that when he comes home from work, he never wants to see a dirty dish in the sink again. I moved in with him and quite my teaching job.. I was a 4th grade school teacher.. but now I'm quickly studying realestate and getting my license.. and filing for divorce.. but you have to be careful with these people also. I'm tiptoeing until I can walk away and take care of myself. I have no children with him. It seems he is getting worse with the perfection aspect of his disease as he gets older.. at first I thought he was manic -- depressed.. and he was on prozac.. but then quite.. and got furious.. he cannot stand social situations.. he is not affectionate at all. and everything has to be PLANNED.. EVEN DINNER.. I have to plan dinner for FRiday.. a week in ADVANCE.. he is insane.. I belive.. i feel bad for him. truthfully and love him.. and i'm on here to get advice... for dealing with these people... what other signs do aspergers???????????? help?////// |
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| cookie |
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| #6 |
hiya, i can understand so much where youre coming from, i was in a reltionship with a guy i believe to be an aspie. if you would like to e-mail me at terrihuk@yahoo.co.uk i will let you know of my experiences. i sympathise so much with you. no 2 aspies are the same although there are similarities and it takes a very strong non-aspie to make it work. i wasnt one of the strong ones. take care, i know how your feeling. terri. |
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| Lorraine |
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| #7 |
I've been with my aspie husband for ll years. I didn't realise there was anything wrong, expect for his many odd ways, until I gave up work 4 years ago. I then noticed the extent of his odd ways, only washing certain clothes on certain days, having to have 7 white tee-shirts and 7 dark ones so that he could wash them on the same day every week. He laughs hysterically at nothing at all, it drives me mad. He was diagnosed a few months ago with obsessive compulsive disorder and the psycologist didn't really believe that he had AS. He referred us to relationship counselling. I know he has AS and now I'm on the verge of calling it a day because I don't feel the love I had for him is still there. I feel very sad and upset but I just need to feel the connection from somebody which is missing from my relationship to my husband. Now that he realises how I'm feeling he is trying to make amends but is suffocating me, I really need him to just back off for a while and leave me entirely alone to decide what I want. He is 48 years old and we have no children together. |
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| info@hyperbaricone.com |
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| #8 |
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| Vinteress |
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| #9 |
I am new to this page.
I am a 35 year old mother of 4.
My husband is 31 years old.
He has a 7 year old son with aspergers syndrome.
He thinks that he too has it.
It seems to be a major pain to get a doctor to help us seeing as the insurance we have is so limited.
Anyways, I love my husband with all my heart yet we have major problems.
When I first met him we were both recently divorced.
I met him on May 11,2007 and found nothing unusual about him.
I found out shortly after that I was pregnant with my 4th child and first one with him.
At this point he began to open up and express himself to me.
My husband use to be so affectionate.
Always touching me, kissing me, looking at me, telling me he loves me and more.
As time went by he started going through a lot of doubts.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay here with me, if he should move back to his hometown which is about an hour away.
He doesn't get to see his other 3 kids with his first wife much and that brings him down.
He does this weird thing with his tounge sometimes, and always is doing something like rubbing his fingers together and so on.
He gets very upset easily.
He becomes so distant from me and it hurts me.
Actually it breaks my heart.
He tells me that he KNOWS he loves me but his overwhelming feelings of doubt of things and his lack of interest in sex, and pretty much anything is destroying us.
I made a promise to him to not turn my back on him.
I know i have a long road ahead of me, but I do love him very much.
I just wish his affection would come back.
I hate to see him looking so down all the time.
I never know what to say or how to act around him.
I would normally be very affectionate with him but when he is in one of those states I guess it is best to back off...?
I try talking to him, listening to him...
Talking doesn't always help.
He is very smart when it comes to a lot of things.
I would love to know how others cope with being married or involved in any way with someone with this condition.
Anyone...help please!
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| sam |
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| #10 |
I have been with my husband for 7 years. I've come to the conclusion he has Aspergers. Up until now I just thought he was an unsociable person. My family think he is really difficult company, and I watch at family gatherings when they try to joke with him and my husband just stares blankly. Social situations are really stressful, I feel as if I have to do all the talking to make up for his silences, but as soon as he's had a few drinks he starts to bore people with facts and figures, talks over people if they try to interrupt and I sit there getting wound up and embarrassed. He is obsessively tidy, extremely organized, great at DIY, has to fix things as soon as they break, which is great but if you're about to leave for an appointment and a handle comes off the kitchen cabinet, he will have to stay and fix it regardless of being late. He gets really angry if things don't go his way (like a spoilt child having a tantrum) and me and the children find we are constantly walking on eggshells. He never apologises for anything, even when he has been really nasty to me and said horrid things, its always MY fault. I approached him last night about the having Aspergers, now he believes I'm trying to mess with his mind! Help! I feel that I'm going mad living with him, although I do love him but I just want a normal life. |
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| D Marie |
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| #11 |
I have been with my husband for 20 yrs now and I feel bad complaining because others look at him as the nicest guy. He is very nice (too nice) with people to their face but is very critical of having to talk to people when there not around. He sleeps in his car during lunch break, checks in early and checks out late from work to avoid people. When he's home he can be very happy and extremely indulgent, or spend hours wrapped up into himself, bitting his nails, obsessing over the history channel, or science. He is 49 and has been getting more distant with me and always angry over work, God, country, and the fact that we cant see the stars from our porch because of airplane pollution. He works many hours but says he hates money. Tells me we need to stay a tight family (4kids) but then says I would be better without him and will give me everything because he just needs a room to sleep in. He degrades himself and praises me. He is a great worker but says all the other guys are better than him. And, insists his kids hate him. Back to the nice guy. He's annoyingly nice. You know those that ask if your cold...you say no, twice....as their putting a blanket on you. After my surgery he slept on the floor in my room, but can't hug me lovingly to comfort me. He wont (cant) lie...and cant keep a secret. Lately I have been so alone in the house with him I actually taught him to hug me and ask me how I'm feeling. Explaining that since he doesn't need affection nor does he understand why I need it, he needs to remember to offer it like brushing his teeth daily. Does this sound like Aspergers? I have seen his brother stare at the wall, and his son turn his back to a room full of kids to play alone for yrs. |
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